Look: I live in Seattle. It is a well known and popular fact that Seattle is a right rainy mess and one should never leave the house without an umbrella. It is also understood that anyone who walks with an umbrella in Seattle is an incompetent fop.
After realizing that my life in Seattle was going to be spent either underwater or under judgement, I opted for the first adopted an octopus to keep me company in all the ensuing underwater madness (although I may have been trying to buy an umbrella and simply misspoke).
Now (like any normal octopus owner) I take it on regular walks, outings, and excursions. All in the rain of course. I wouldn’t want my dear Umbrella drying out which is why I hate it when it stops raining in Seattle. If we’ve been out walking, I have to take my poor octopus on the bus to go home as soon as possible, or Umbrella the octo gets just so cranky. It is also a well known fact that you can’t take an octo on a fixie (which of course I ride).
If there is any universal truth to our world, it is this and only this: octopi and busses don’t mix. Oh, that and never carry an umbrella you aren’t willing to abandon when the weather changes.
BY THE WAY. If you do happen to live in Seattle, make sure you continue to live here through March. I will be part of the Capitol Hill Art Walk on March 8th.
If you don’t know what I’m talking about, don’t worry. Not all of us are hip Seattlites. It doesn’t mean I’m judging you.