pufferfucked, a love story

Once upon a time there was a lonely little pufferfish. He thought life was pretty much the wrong side of a wedge of cheese. And, convinced that he would never find love, he puffed his sorry bum across the oceans, inventing new names for nihilism and imagining himself pretty clever.

Sometimes life surprises you though, and no amount of philosophical training can prepare you to ignore the first glimpses of love. One day our little pufferfish found it–a hopeful little heart glowing in the deepest reaches of the sea (geographers have since found that the only place conditions are perfect for love is in those underwater caverns too deep for people). He puffed up with joy and went in for a kiss-

IT'S A METAPHOR FOR REAL LOVE YOU GUYS

 

happy halloween

it's cute you think this is a costume

Let’s be honest. Anglerfish are scarier than clowns, serial killers, and Lady Gaga combined. The sharp teeth… the effervescence… the absorption of sexual partners… *shiver*

I’d certainly hate it if one of those showed up on my matt trick-or-treating. Not that I’m planning on bringing one to your house, you horrible, multiple-lover-absorbing cheater. I’d just like you to notice the commonalities you share.