Look people, I know you want me to run for office. I’d be great as a Rebubblican, or even a Democracken candidate, really. I’m attractive to Right Whales and the Working Wrasse (Hammerheads included). I’m a pro-lifer and a pro-cloister. I have strong family values AND I support Rainbow Trout marriage. I’ve already had my share of nudibranch and humpback scandals, so obviously I have sex appeal.
Still–please save your votes and put them towards a more serious candidate. Someone you eel will represent your agenda and hopefully won’t just lamprey on fear. Hope and Conch and all.
As for my political future, I’ll never get into office because I made some controversial paintings of Che Guevara scuba diving in my youth.
And then there was the whole Octopi movement thing. *sigh*
Marine inequality is at the highest level it’s been since the 1960s. While a lucky octopus may have 8 arms, each nautilus has over 90. That’s over TEN TIMES THE AMOUNT OF ARMS.
Nautiluses shell themselves in luxurious golden spirals, while the rest of cephalopod-kind go without even basic clothing.
They haven’t evolved for millions of years, so why should we expect them to now?
It’s time these living fossils went extinct.
OCTOPUS WALL STREET!
You may have conquered my heart, Emperor Penguin, but it will forever remain just a cold and brutal desert.