Instead of giving something up, for Lent this year I’m going to add something to my life and yours: Slightly Sacrilegious Sundays!
Stay tuned every Sunday for something snarky about, I don’t know, how about religion.
WHY NOT
Let’s start by making this lamprey a priest!
Now clearly, I’m a very religious person. On Friday I go to the Mollosque. On Saturday you can find me reading from the Talmudpuppy. On Sunday I sing in a coral group.
But I never could get the hang of Catholicism and the Holy Sea and all that stuff. I think it was the way priests had 3 rows of teeth.
confession is startlingly similar to being eaten by the priest...
Look people, I know you want me to run for office. I’d be great as a Rebubblican, or even a Democracken candidate, really. I’m attractive to Right Whales and the Working Wrasse (Hammerheads included). I’m a pro-lifer and a pro-cloister. I have strong family values AND I support Rainbow Trout marriage. I’ve already had my share of nudibranch and humpback scandals, so obviously I have sex appeal.
Still–please save your votes and put them towards a more serious candidate. Someone you eel will represent your agenda and hopefully won’t just lamprey on fear. Hope and Conch and all.
As for my political future, I’ll never get into office because I made some controversial paintings of Che Guevara scuba diving in my youth.
apologies for shitty spanish in the caption!
And then there was the whole Octopi movement thing. *sigh*
i think if we just throw octopi at everyone they will agree with us. right?
Look: I live in Seattle. It is a well known and popular fact that Seattle is a right rainy mess and one should never leave the house without an umbrella. It is also understood that anyone who walks with an umbrella in Seattle is an incompetent fop.
After realizing that my life in Seattle was going to be spent either underwater or under judgement, I opted for the first adopted an octopus to keep me company in all the ensuing underwater madness (although I may have been trying to buy an umbrella and simply misspoke).
Now (like any normal octopus owner) I take it on regular walks, outings, and excursions. All in the rain of course. I wouldn’t want my dear Umbrella drying out which is why I hate it when it stops raining in Seattle. If we’ve been out walking, I have to take my poor octopus on the bus to go home as soon as possible, or Umbrella the octo gets just so cranky. It is also a well known fact that you can’t take an octo on a fixie (which of course I ride).
If there is any universal truth to our world, it is this and only this: octopi and busses don’t mix. Oh, that and never carry an umbrella you aren’t willing to abandon when the weather changes.
why are we even talking about this?
BY THE WAY. If you do happen to live in Seattle, make sure you continue to live here through March. I will be part of the Capitol Hill Art Walk on March 8th.
If you don’t know what I’m talking about, don’t worry. Not all of us are hip Seattlites. It doesn’t mean I’m judging you.
I’m not going to lie–I’m a total fucking hipster. When I paint sassy fish I listen to sad indie bands while wearing a knit hat that I found on the street, all the while drinking PBR and complaining about how sheepleish it is when people say sheeple. Big black glasses and skinny jeans? Absofuckinglutely.
But there is one person more hip than I. He’s so hip that he has a cult that’s probably made up entirely of indie bands that got their start in Manhattan. You’ve probably never heard of it, it’s pretty fhtagn underground.
hello there skinny jeans!
How many great old ones does it take to screw in a light bulb? Oh, it’s a pretty unspeakable number, you’d probably go mad after hearing only the first horrible syllable.
Underwater Madness 